A recent reflection

I recently came across a blog by a wife, mother and now widow, someone I know a friend of a friend, someone known from High School groups. I found myself emersed in her words, her writing her vulnerability. She lost her husband to FLD (frontal lobe dementia) and ALS. He choose death with dignity. My mind just kept circling around how brave he was, to make that decision. 

Life is just so unfair they have a young family of young adults that have to learn to live life's milestones without their Dad and a wife to celebrate things without her husband. This family has been at the forefront of my thoughts lately. 

Yet.. it's amazing how one families grief can be intertwined with the grief that I still feel. I often wonder the what if, my mom knew that Alzheimer's/Dementia would take her from us would she had chose death with dignity if she knew what her end of life would be. I want to repeat I don't for one second regret caring for her in our home for 2.5 years, do I feel guilt that I wish sometimes I was more understanding yes, do I know she knows she was loved YES and is that enough some days Yes. 

It's a strange thing to want to soak in moments of others peoples lives who have special moments cause sometimes in your heart and mind you want to think I wish those were mine. 

Tonight I lay down wishing that I could love on my parents one more day but instead I'm gonna love on watching others take in beautiful moments with theirs and hope that others who can't will find a day where they too can soak in moments and let it fill their hearts too.