Thursday, April 30, 2015

My outlet

I have really come to love this blogging thing, I spend a lot more of my blogging episodes on my other blog as I reflect on a man I miss so much my daddy. I'm able to just let my raw emotions spill out onto the computer I cry I sob and sometimes laugh out loud.
But this blog is much different well I want to separate it as such. I'm amazed with people in this world, people who portray lives better than yours, complain and or have no problems at all. Sorry life ain't F$#&*@? Perfect. This past week I have really reflected on myself and the people in my life, really looked hard at the ones who maybe are just along to be nosey, ones who want to compare and ones who truly get me and love me. It's funny when you start to look around people and their true colors show. They say they care but ya know they don't give a rats ass, well I think it's time I pull up my big girl panties and only worry about what I think of myself. The world is scary enough and life is too short to waste on those whom only bring you down, so I look at the bigger picture and keep those who love me for who I am.

Tuesday, February 10, 2015

Blogging the new stress relief.

I have always loved writing as a child and I recently came across diaries that I had as a child. I get that from my mom she writes in one every night. There is something about just letting it all out. I have this blog and another that talks about the man I lost a year ago my dad. It's my escape from the pain of grief, the happiness of memories and the tears of fear. It's funny how your mind leads your fingers across a keyboard and before you know it you have filled a page and your shoulders feel lighter. It's my escape from stress, drama, and just every day life.

Wednesday, January 21, 2015

Crazy how time flies

Wow I was just looking back upon this blog of mine that I started and stopped so many times. WOW how life has changed for me, I have lost important people in my life. I suffer through grief and some days just trying to get the get up and go. I'm working on it, yes maybe a year has passed but there is no time frame you can put on grief and I'm learning that.
I need to do this more I need to Let It All Out. Yeah that's what this blog had come to be cause I needed to let it all out. There is something about putting your feelings out there something about just spilling it all, no one to judge you well just your blog readers.
A new year is upon us 2015 Holy Crap where did 2014 go. . . Man 2014 was a year of HEARTACHE huge loss of my dad which made my heart break, I completed my first ever half marathon, not in any record time but wait it was my race so my pace, I watched my daughter perform and earn scholarships, I watched my little Lauren grow up right before my very eyes with her learning and and her personality. A trip to Hawaii oh the Island where I left a piece of my heart I cant wait to go back and pick it up. Travled to Las Vegas and took a road trip to Los Angeles. My daughter got o experience Hollywood. We had firsts together as a family, my nieces 1st birthday, My 35th birthday party, and lots of firsts with out my dad. We grew together as a family and I guess you can say we grew apart too.
Well its a new year, so that means new adventures and new 1st and new experiences, So here's to a new year. . . And hopefully I can remember to let it all out more than just once a year.

Monday, January 7, 2013

Christmas and a New Year

Christmas seemed to had flown by as fast as it came. Christmas morning was magic as it always is as we make the girls come down the stairs together while Matt and I sit and watch them, its pretty awesome. This year the look of surprise was no different and the magic twinkled in their eyes. We got right down to business opening gift after gift one at a time pausing in between to look over what they received, and they were both ever so grateful for everything they got.
I twas not long before the adventure continued to my parents house and the look on their faces were just as magical that they saw that Santa had in fact stopped there too. Amber on the other hand came down sick with a fever and slept most of Christmas afternoon away. That night we took her to the ER she had broken out in hives and was just so not herself she had influenza yep the flu so it was going to be rest and lots of it with the fluids as well. So needless to say her Christmas and Vacation was pretty much spent on the couch and Lauren and I soon followed suit sick and on the couch. The sickness seems to be behind us Thank god and we welcomed the New year the only way we have known how for the past three years with our dance family,the team put on a show and then the girls had the annual sleepover while Lauren and I still battled the cold we came home.
Well the new year started off not how I ever would had wanted it too with the passing of my dear Grandmother, she was 92 years old and while I know that she lived a good long life I was not ready to let her go. I'm so very blessed that I was able to call her my gram. I knew it was not going to be easy on anyone in the family for this is really the first death we have had to deal with since the loss of my brother almost 24 years ago. I knew there would be plenty of tears and plenty of memories as well. I knew in my heart that I needed to do something and I did I wrote a tribute to my grandmother that I read at her Wake/funeral on January 5, 2013 I knew it was not going to be easy and I knew I would have to fight back tears and pause to get through it and I knew I would. Sure enough I delivered her tribute like a proud granddaughter should and I know she was smiling down on me as I recalled all her memories well most of them I knew I could had gone on forever but I would still be there reciting the words that I wrote about her. She has a copy with her. I also placed a grandmother neck less on her and I wear the other part of it that says granddaughter so we are forever connected. I will miss her forever but I know that she is by me watching over me and the family and all those she loved.

Wednesday, November 28, 2012

Catching Up

Ok It seems that I always promice myself that Im going stay at this, but things get crazy and this gets put on hold. Well Its now almost December one of my favorite times of year. Is it the holidays, another year older for me (not really) the end of a year, I think it maybe a mix of everything.
I have always loved this time of year, my birthday is amongst the hustle and bussle of the holiday and yes it tends to still get tucked aside but oh well its not nearly as fun to celebrate a birthday when you get older or is it, I always love a chance to celebrate. Maybe its the magic of the holidays that I love so much, the lights, the music the decorations the cheer, the MAGIC of the season in my children's eyes the gleam of sheer delight as they take in every last detail of decortating the tree, decorating the house and the wonder of it all.
Im so lucky that the spirt is still alive and well here in our home and it makes it so much more magical, last year we welcomed Tinsel our Elf on the Shelf into our family and this year she brought her twin sister with her Sparkle and WOW have they caused some mischief but its awesome to hear the first things from my daughters in the morning be "lets find Tinsel and Sparkle and see what they did last night. 
For this is the Most Wonderful Time of the Year right.
Here is Tinsel and Sparkle's return to our home this year.

Sunday, April 22, 2012

I think of myself as a support system and a friend to many, never really in my years growing up did I have a lot of friends but the friends that I did have were always loyal as I was loyal and close to them. In my adult years I have met people that have come and gone and yet have always learned something valuable from them even if they were in my life for a short period of time. But its funny how I still have ties with my friends I grew up with, we may not speak on a daily basis but when we do we always pick up right where we left off.
Having a family makes a huge difference on the people you want in your life or the people that end up in your life, and ours is our dance family, each family is unique to us in their own ways. We really did not really get to be part of this dance family until about two years ago and Lauren has grown up at the centre and she certainly thinks of them all as her big sisters and brothers, its really awesome.
Well just within the last two years I have really become close with Lisa a Dance Mom at the centre, Amber and Liz have done a duo together, Amber and Lauren call her Auntie. For the last two years and we have shared some well a lot of memories together, from trips to NYC, hotel adventures and competition adventures and everything in between.
It was a month ago when Lisa confided in me about a lump in her breast and as a friend I told her that everything was going to be just fine and that I'm sure it was nothing to worry about, Well it was in fact something to worry about she has Breast Cancer. Do I feel like an ass oh yes I do.But I guess I cant beat myself down because friends do things like that they make you feel better and they always give you the positive than the negative, Does it hurt knowing that she will go through a double mastectomy hell yes it does, do I think its the right decision for her yes I do and do I think that she will be a survivor you bet she will be.
Tomorrow is her surgery and I know that she is in good hands she has the best Dr's and the best support system not with just her family but with her friends as well. They say that laughter is the best medicine well I can tell you that over these past weeks I can for sure say that I have made her laugh so hard she cried, she likes to tease me that she will have new boobs before me referring to my breast reduction ha ha. She is a very good friend to me and to my family she is the sister that I never had and I'm proud to cal her my bestie. When this is over I will be proud to call her a survivor. I love you Girl.

Monday, March 19, 2012

The journey to a new me. . . . .

I have embarked into a new lifestyle, I'm still the same old fun and loving me just trying to be a skinner and healthier one. I have started Mend a Body a program that allows me to eat certain foods, low glycemicand no sugar and low carb. I have given up my full time soda habit and my love for the baked goods, my will power has definitely been tested but I have not given up. My first week was really a long hard week only eating protein no fruits and veggies but my willpower paid off the first week with a 7.6lb loss and a 1 and 3/4 inches lost off my waist I will take it. My 2nd week I lost 4lbs. So down a total of 11.6 lbs.
I get the question a lot of well what can you have or where do you want to eat or can you eat there, I can eat anywhere I just need to make the right choices and so far I have. I know that I have a huge support system. Its kinda funny to hear Amber ask me can you have this mom or that mom and the other night she wanted to go out to get ice cream and Matt said to her Amber is that really fair to mom, sorry she said to me I guess it was not fair. But that is one thing that I don't want to happen is for my family to suffer well not saying that not having ice cream is suffering but you know what I mean, when I get at least 20lbs behind me then I can cheat once in awhile and it will not effect my weight.
So here;s to willpower and fruits and Veggies.